Stop your grinning and drop you linen Marines! Alien Day is upon us once more, and with it geekdom will be joyfully celebrating all things Xeno. So here are 7 ways you can get down with your inner Ripley:
1.Take the day off work
With live events and competitions running all day on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube, taking the day off is clearly the way to go. It’s also a great excuse to pull on an Alien tee (great ranges available from Last Exit to Nowhere and Dark Bunny Tees) and binge the blu-ray box set.
Now, I’m not for one moment suggesting you pull a sickie: but if you did want to submit a custom tailored doctor’s note to your employer those good people at Weyland-Yutani have got you covered.
Assuming you are at work tomorrow however, consider subtly incorporating your love of the Alien-verse into your normal working day. For instance…
2. Quotes quotes quotes
Let’s face it: this franchise is eminently quotable. So if you do find yourself at work (still wearing your Alien tee, obviously) it is your job to quote these films like Hudson himself, especially if the people around you have no idea what’s going on. It shouldn’t be too difficult to smoothly incorporate quotes into everyday banter, as frankly there is an Alien quote for every situation. Examples:
Colleague: Good morning!
Reply: You look just like I feel.
Colleague: Can I have the last biscuit?
Reply: Get away from that, you bitch.
Female colleague: I like your outfit.
Reply: Have you ever been mistaken for a man?
You see? This thing just writes itself. And before you know it your colleagues will be rolling on the floor and slapping you on the back, congratulating you on your witty repartee.
3. Change your email signature
Most of us end our work missives with a rather dull “Yours faithfully”, and whilst this is perfectly fine in everyday contexts it doesn’t really do the occasion justice.
Rather, consider signing off emails with Ripley’s famous last lines. Although it perhaps carries a degree of apocalyptic finality, it will certainly lead to some knowing looks and – quite possible – a promotion.
4. Fake a chest-burster
Now that you’ve successfully softened up your colleagues with a morning of quotes and sending unprofessional emails, it’s time for a spot of lunch. And what better way to unwind on your break than to re-enact the famous chest-bursting scene from the original film.
It will take a bit of prep, but I recommend filling a balloon with salsa, stuffing it up your top, and then midway through a conversation with a colleague you fake a massive coughing fit, convulse hilariously onto the table, pop said balloon and fake your own death. You can then come round and invite said colleague to dip their chips into your chest cavity / salsa bowl. Voila! Instant popularity.
5. Do the knife trick
If this all feels a little too theatrical, you could go for something a bit more low key. Why not try surprising another colleague by creeping up behind them, grabbing their arm and showing off your synthetic powers by drilling a sharpened blade between their splayed fingers at lightning speed. If Aliens is an accurate model for people’s reactions – and I believe it is – your colleagues will be laughing along with you in no time.
6. Get psyched for Alien: Covenant
Once you’ve successfully left work / been fired for gross misconduct, you can make your way speedily over to one of the many cinema events running nationwide. I for one will be partaking of the double bill of Prometheus and Alien: The Director’s Cut at my local Odeon, part of their Superticket bundle (which includes a preview screening of Alien: Covenant on 11th May). It really is the only way to end the day, seeing how these creatures mostly come at night. Mostly.
7. Get some sleep
After such an adventurous day of nerdy delights, it’s important to make sure you get some well deserved rest, ready to get to work / your disciplinary hearing the next day. So tuck yourself into your hypersleep chamber and relax: you can sleep all the way home. Or until you crash land on Fiorina 161. Whichever.